Your Child’s Love Language May Not Be What You Think—Decode It This Global Parents Day!

Sunday, June 1, 2025, 9:01

Not every child feels loved just because a parent says "I love you." Sometimes, the gestures we think are warm and meaningful land quietly-or miss the mark entirely. As we mark Global Day of Parents 2025, it's worth taking a moment to ask-are we showing love in a way our children truly understand?

Dr Gary Chapman's theory of the 'Five Love Languages', though often used to decode adult relationships, is just as powerful when applied to parenting. Understanding how your child naturally receives love can transform the connection you share-from something routine to something deeply felt. It's not about doing more, but about doing it in the right emotional language.

Why "I Love You" Isn't Always Enough

Children don't just need to be loved; they need to feel loved in ways that truly speak to them. What fuels one child's sense of security might feel hollow to another. A hug, a word of encouragement, a shared walk in the park-each act carries different emotional weight, depending on the child. Chapman's five love languages-Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch offer a lens to better understand and express love, tailored to the child's emotional vocabulary.

When parents and children speak different "love languages", well-intended efforts can miss the mark. A parent might spend hours preparing healthy meals or folding laundry into neat triangles, while the child quietly longs for a simple compliment or a game of cards at the kitchen table. The result? Misunderstandings that feel like emotional distance.

Love Without Conditions : Why It Matters

At the heart of this approach is a vital principle: love must never be earned. When affection depends on behaviour-"I'm proud of you when you get full marks" or "I love you more when you behave well", it creates a shaky emotional ground. Over time, children may internalise the idea that love is conditional, linked to performance, not presence. That breeds self-doubt and sends them looking for validation elsewhere.

Instead, when love is expressed in a language that feels intuitive to the child, it builds a quiet but unshakeable foundation of trust and emotional resilience.

Physical Touch : More Than Just Hugs

For children whose primary love language is 'Physical Touch', warmth comes through the body. It could be morning cuddles under a blanket, a squeeze on the shoulder before a big day, or even silly tickle fights. As children grow older, these moments evolve. A teenage son may no longer welcome kisses on the forehead but might still feel reassured by a pat on the back or a playful nudge.

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The key is to keep physical affection safe, appropriate, and free from frustration. A tap made in anger, even if fleeting, leaves a longer impression than you think.

Words Of Affirmation : Not Just Praise

When a child thrives on 'Words of Affirmation', kind and specific language becomes powerful. "You worked hard on that drawing" lands more deeply than a generic "Good job." This isn't about flattery or endless praise-it's about seeing their effort, naming it clearly, and letting them know they matter, even when they falter.

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Tone matters, too. A compliment delivered through gritted teeth or layered with disappointment doesn't land, it lingers.

Quality Time : Full Presence, Not Just Proximity

'Quality Time' isn't about expensive trips or elaborate playdates, it's about undivided attention. Listening while your child recounts a school story, making pancakes together on a slow Saturday, or sitting side-by-side doing a puzzle-these shared experiences send a clear message: "You are important enough for me to pause everything else."

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Even ten minutes of fully engaged time can feel more nourishing than hours in the same room glued to separate screens.

Receiving Gifts : Symbols Of Thoughtfulness

Children who resonate with 'Receiving Gifts' don't equate love with price tags-they value the thought behind the token. A handmade bookmark, a shell collected from the beach, or a surprise treat after a tough week can mean the world.

Gifts should be occasional, thoughtful, and connected to the child's interests-not substitutes for affection. A new toy means little if the child is desperate for your attention instead.

Acts Of Service : Love In The Everyday

'Acts of Service' might look like cutting the crusts off sandwiches, mending a favourite stuffed animal, or helping build a school project. These gestures, often woven into a parent's day without a second thought, carry huge emotional weight for some children.

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It's not about doing everything for them, but about being present and available when it truly counts. The warmth of someone stepping in because they want to-stays with a child long after the act is done.

How To Identify Your Child's Love Language

Observation is key. Does your child light up when you spend time alone together? Do they often say "Look what I made!" or reach out for hugs? What they complain about or request can be just as telling. If they often say, "You never play with me", chances are their love language is 'Quality Time'.

You can also offer choices: "Would you like a story tonight, or shall we bake together?" How they respond gives clues to what feels emotionally rewarding.

Importantly, love languages aren't fixed. As children grow and life changes, their needs shift too. Staying flexible and tuned in ensures your connection stays strong.

The Emotional Piggy Bank

Think of each act of love, expressed in your child's language, as a deposit into their emotional bank. Small but regular investments-an encouraging note in the lunchbox, a warm goodbye hug at school, a 10-minute card game before bed builds emotional wealth. It's this daily investment that prepares them for challenges, deepens their sense of belonging, and strengthens their self-worth.

Parenting is about connection that becomes stronger when children feel seen, heard, and loved in the way that speaks to their heart. Learning your child's love language isn't a parenting hack; it's an emotional investment-one that pays off in trust, resilience, and lifelong closeness.

On Global Day of Parents 2025, the most meaningful gesture may not be what is loud or visible, but what is thoughtful and consistent. When love is expressed in a way that truly resonates with a child, it builds trust, confidence, and a sense of belonging that endures.