Just-A-Pause: Emotional Wi-Fi

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by Arlene Clarence

Friends in the heart are the worst tenants.
They capture the heart and Pay no rent,
And when they leave…
They just break down the room they lived in.

What is Emotional Wi-Fi and what have friends got to do with it? Well…it's all got to do with "Connection"

Wi-Fi stands for 'wireless fidelity', a wireless networking technology

used across the globe. Wi-Fi networks can either be 'open', such that anyone can use them, or 'closed' in which case a password is needed.

Having said that, Emotional WI-Fi, is our ability to connect with all kinds of people, while all along we have the choice to use our 'open' or 'closed' networks.

Most people have a desire (need) to connect with others, especially those who are like them in some way. When you meet someone for the first time, what initially attracts you to them? Is it a personality trait – the way they smile, or the expressions they make when they talk? Maybe it's a physical feature – their eyes, their hair or the way they carry themselves? Or, is it the subject matter – you have similar interests? However, is the network open, or is a password needed to forge a relationship?

What draws you to others is a fascinating thing. Most of you will agree that variety is the spice of life, that differences make life interesting, but how many of you would actually choose friendship (not only associations, mind you!), with people that you know are quite different from you. That could truly be an enriching relationship. The possibilities for sharing and exchanging seem endless. Are most people capable of being that open with one another? Mostly friends mirror each other and reinforce that "we're ok" feeling.

Now, image that you are in your mid-40s, a legal consultant, married and own a house. You like herbal tea and follow a particular life style. While commuting, the person next to you starts up a conversation. This person is probably in his early 20s, sports a ponytail, lives in a rented apartment and drinks beer. Without realizing it, you start gelling with each other even through the differences and over a short period of time a great friendship is developed. Here a wide open network is used.

A certain degree of intimacy exists in all close relationships. It is the ability to be completely open and vulnerable to another without the fear of harm or rejection. So, by definition, we cannot be intimate with another while hiding or denying our true feelings and needs to them. One-sided relationships are doomed. Bad connectivity!

Why do people feel comfortable with one, more than the other? Perhaps because both get along very well, share a lot in common, and always enjoy each other's company? Some just have the knack of winning people over with their wacky sense of humour, positive attitude and understanding nature. The forming of an emotional bond is only a natural progression. Hmmm….?

Now, to maintain a well functioning network, it is important to understand how these emotions work. Emotions are ever changing; one moment you are experiencing happiness or joy and the next, pain or fear. The challenge is not to let your emotions overtake you like a tidal wave.

We carry a lot of emotional baggage around with us, constantly replaying everything that ever went wrong in the past (but omits all the good stuff). That tiff with a colleague or the guilt from a careless comment made to a friend. We lie awake at night, what if-ing ourselves into a tizzy. This is what happens when we use the closed password protected network. These negative messages jam connections to all that which is good.

Open up. Remove the clutter from behind your eyeballs. Just think of people in your life whom you admire, those you would like to emulate because of who they are and how they handle themselves. Who do you respect and genuinely like? These are your role models whom you can aspire to become and then watch how the connection speed improves.

It takes so little...just a little attention off the self, the opportunity to say to someone else, "Hi, I'm here. How can I help you on your Journey in this sometimes very difficult world?". This touching connection is what I would call "Emotional Wi-Fi"

Do I hear "I Will Survive" playing softly in the background? …..…From Wi-Fi to Hi-Fi eh?