Life after 'Break-up'

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When we examine relationships and their developments little do we talk about the emotional and psychological changes that occur when two people end an emotionally intimate relationship. For any relationship to last life long it is entirely on the individual. The moment the thought of a break up comes to mind the relation will fade away in no time. 'To hurt or be hurt' is the usual saying where break-ups are concerned, I rather feel it should go more along the lines of 'hurt yourself and the one you love' because few can walk away from any long term relationship and not be hurt, even where you instigated the break up, you are still going to have to grieve for the loss of that part of your life.

This omission is significant, for students experiencing an ending of their relationship, often called " a breakup," frequently feel confused, depressed, isolated, and scared. There are various stages that one experience during this stage.

A phase of anger and frustration comes alive when one begins to feel irritated and angry with his/ her partner for trivial issues. When one has decided to end a relationship, everyday behaviour of the partner, which once did not bother in the past, e.g.: like being late, not calling on time, all provoke intense feeling of anger and irritation. Despite the anger, confusion, and frustration, or whether one will leave or be left, a person still wants to believe that his/her relationship has not yet ended.

Then comes a feeling where suddenly both partners realize the relationship is in serious risk of ending and will explore ways and methods to try and keep it alive. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. When both partners are in this stage, the relationship has a chance for survival. However, if only one partner is in this stage, the chances for avoiding a breakup are diminished.

During break up, obsession is another phase that is most common. Lovers seemed to be reminded of their ex either by restaurants, parks, theatre, smell etc. Love songs seemed to speak a lot about the feelings of pain and loss one is going through and hoping that somehow the relationship may survive.

When a relationship ends, life changes. Daily routines change, interactions with others change, one's residence may change, and one's goals and outlook may change. Then a person finally comprehends and accepts not only the relationship ended but also why it needed to end. And then at last thoughts towards the ex-partner do not provoke strong emotional response and ones desire to return back to the relationship vanishes. This does not mean that the love they had is over but knowing facts like the ex has a new girl/boy friend does not make a difference to them any more. May be the only thing they want now is happiness at both ends.

One should always remember that: Don't be hard on yourself, it's better to end something that's not 'right' for you sooner rather than later, otherwise you are just prolonging the inevitable and wasting both your time. You did the right thing, give yourself the time you need to say goodbye (get over the hurt) move on and remember the good times, it's all you really can do.