Toxic Phrases That Are Deal Breakers In Relationships, How To Identify Them And What To Say Instead

Wednesday, February 15, 2023, 9:10

Being comfortable with each other in a relationship is essential because we are able to share everything we have on our minds. We do take our closest relationships for granted and therefore, it is easy to talk without filter and can negatively impact either of the partners in relationships.

So, even if you have the brightest and most passionate of relationships, it can go downhill very quickly if not managed efficiently. While some are toxic from the beginning, others develop rot over time and die due to neglect. So, it is essential to identify and root out the causes of these problems.

However, if the problems lie in communication, then using toxic phrases to contempt each other or attacking your partner's personality can be the final nail in the coffin.
It can be mocking each other, using sarcasm to humiliate your partner, treating them with disrespect, or using dismissive body language such as scoffing or eye-rolling. All these lead to inequality and distrust in a partnership. Even though you are with your partner, you may end up feeling lonely. Therefore, the only way to save it is through efforts in the right direction and by getting professional help such as opting for couple's counselling.

A study by Callie Graham on 'Demystifying Toxic Romantic Relationships: Identifying Behaviors and Post-Breakup Outcomes' concluded that there are six Toxic Relationship Behavior subscales: (1) isolating, (2) displaying righteous self-centeredness, (3) walking on eggshells, (4) criticizing and conveying contempt, (5) surveilling, and (6) engaging in intermittent reinforcement.

Here's how to identify the toxic phrases in your relationship and what to say instead to ensure stability in your relationship.

1. 'You Do Not Deserve Me'

How you speak can reveal a lot about your personality and therefore, you need to choose your words carefully so that you do not end up hurting your partner and wound their self-esteem. Disrespecting your partner and not treating them as equals can dissolve your relationship faster than you can even imagine.

If you do not see a future with your current partner, inform them politely that you are not able to picture them in your life in an honest and respectful way. You can state your feelings to your partner and say how you both are different as individuals and there it is best to follow separate paths.

2. 'Stop Asking If Everything Is Fine Always'

Conflicts only get resolved when the root causes are identified. Passive aggressive behaviours always make the situations worse and therefore, it is essential to talk about the problems in a direct way. Pause and reflect on the pending issues and there you and your partner will be able to communicate instead of standing at crossroads. This will ensure both parties feel emotionally safe while conveying their problems to each other.

Ignoring problems has never done anyone good. If you are not willing to talk about problems, then mention that to your partner and inform them that you need more time to process, reflect and heal.

3. 'You Are Delirious And Crazy'

Instead of twisting reality, and manipulating your partner into believing that they are at fault; be honest with yourself and take responsibility of your actions. Understand the difference between what is reel and what is real. Do not be defensive when your partner points out a mistake. Listen to them first before making any decision.

However, you can explain in a constructive way to your partner that you do not like the way they are handling situations. There is a reason behind every action or reaction, try to find the roots and delve deep to solve the issue.

4. 'You Are Always Nagging/Needy'

A little bit of attention towards your partner is healthy but when it becomes too much it can cause problems because while your partner's needs will be fulfilled, yours will be lacking. However, the language matters and how you address people can make or break a relationship.

Instead of choosing words like nagging or needy, you can inform them that you need your own space and want to let your relationship grow organically. Suggest that their needs matter as well and therefore, allotting dedicated space and time to yourself will help you and your partner to deal with this effectively.

5. 'You Are Miserable'

There is nothing worse than disrespecting your partner, however, name-calling beats everything else. When you make a derogatory remark against a person and call them 'pathetic' or 'miserable', not only it comes as an insult but it breaks their self-esteem completely. Accept people for who they are and not who you want them to be.

If any comment of your partner bothers you, speak up and share your issues. Make them understand your problems. Communicate in detail what, why and how it happened.

6. 'You Are A Pathetic Parent'

Knowing the insecurities of your partner doesn't mean that you will exploit them whenever the need arises. Does talking about the weaknesses of others gives a false boost of confidence? If yes, then know that making someone vulnerable and exploiting their weaknesses will not only create hurt but will scar them for life. If it is about disciplining children, then share the responsibilities and do not blame each other whenever the child commits a mistake.

If you know that there is a set pattern that needs to be changed when it comes to your children, then navigate through the issue to solve it. You can discuss with your partner what will be best for your kids and decide accordingly.

7. 'I Hate You'

Be it an emotional moment or a heated argument, your usage of language will determine how much damage it will cause to your relationship. 'Hate' is a very strong word and even if you have a stable relationship, it can create insecurities. Even if you have a genuine love for them, your partner may question or doubt your feelings in good moments as well.

It is not wise to say negative things in the spur of the moment even though you exactly feel certain emotions at that very moment. Be calm and tell them that you want to be alone because it is hard to be around them.

8. 'I Want To Breakup'

In order to add stability to your relationship rephrases the sentence. Do not bring the past into the present. Understand the sensitivity of the situation and explain your concerns in such a way that they don't feel like an attack or pain for the other person. Using languages like 'I will leave you' or 'I am done' can cause permanent damage to your relationship because it will shake its very foundation of it.

If you are planning to part ways and have decided to go with it, then tell your partner that you need to have a serious discussion with them about your relationship. Let them know about the challenges you are dealing with on a daily basis. Do not threaten to leave or break up with your partner, when you are not able to deal with a certain situation when in reality you want to stay with them.