The Courage To Let Go: Why Ending A Marriage Can Be A Healthy Choice When It's Not Working

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Divorce! A very big word indeed. This year saw many celebrities heading for this so-called 'big word' or big decision I must say. Some do divorce with mutual consent, some do not and some just don't move on even after doing so, they keep showing the other in a bad light. We have so many examples like that in showbiz itself. But of course nothing is limited in showbiz, it happens to people all around the world.

Are you one of those people who think that once you marry, if things go out of hand, you should tolerate, compromise and stay in the marriage no matter how toxic it is or how much it makes you feel unhappy? Well Generation X or better known as the old generation would surely fall into this category and advise the very same. Now, things have changed, people give priority to happiness and independence to toxic, unhappy marriages.

In this very context, here's a story that might get you thinking about this very topic, that is considered a stigma in society.

Divorce - An Act of Self-Love

"Amma" said Esther affectionately, as she hugged her mother tightly from behind who was busy cooking lunch. "Oh you have finally arrived. So all set to go to Bangalore?" she asked her. "Yes, I am so excited, are you happy amma?". Esther asked back. "Of course I am silly, why wouldn't I be." she said. "Mumy, I also have something to tell you," she said, now sounding a bit serious. Her concerned mother turned to look at her. "Everything ok? What happened?" she asked, scrutinising her daughter's face.

"Yeah, yeah. Can we talk in private? Where's papa?" Esther asked. "He is gone to meet his friend, he will be back for lunch" her mom replied. "Ok, I'd prefer to discuss this with you before bringing it up with Papa." Esther said. "You are getting me worried, now. Can you just tell" her mother said, frowning. "There's a lot of things to explain. I can't just throw that at you like that" she said, hugging her mother and leaving the kitchen.

Once Esther's mom wrapped up her work in the kitchen, she joined her daughter on the balcony, where Esther was drinking coffee. "Ok, are you ready to talk now?" her mom asked. "Papa.." Esther began. "There's still a lot of time before he gets home," her mom said. "Ok then let's sit then" she said, catching hold of her mother's shoulder.

They sat opposite to each other but Esther was silent for some time. "Esther," her mother called out finally. "Yeah, I am thinking how to begin. See, amma. I am saying this believing that you will support me. You always have" she said with desperate eyes. "Get to the point, Esther. I need to hear what you have to say to make that decision" her mother said sternly. "Ok, this is so difficult to say, amma... I like a guy in the office, my colleague, we have been in a relationship for 2 years and we want to marry" she said all of a sudden in tension. "Aha, ok. What's his name?" her mother asked. "Alan, see he is a Christian too but I know papa is against love marriages, how on earth am I going to convince him?" asked Esther, fidgeting with her fingers.

Her mother gave her a slow smile. "If you are serious about Alan, then go ahead and convince your father. I think it will be fine" her mom said, patting her hand, in encouragement. "No amma, I can't, I'm scared. Can you please talk to him?" Esther asked in a pleading tone. Her mother's smile faded. "I'm sorry, I can't." she said, much to her surprise. "What? Why? Are you against this?" She asked in surprise. "Actually I had to say something to you as well, I thought I would do it later, but since you asked, I need to break it to you now". Her mother said. "What happened?" Esther asked, concerned. "Well, I have actually filed for a divorce from your father," she said much to Esther's shock.

"Stop kidding, amma" Esther said, still in a state of shock and disbelief. "I am not, i felt it was time to choose myself and live for myself. I am done being in a relationship where I have been looked down upon just because I am a housewife. I have gone through domestic abuse and you have been a witness to it since childhood. I have done each and every chore in the house, but your father hasn't appreciated anything, the only thing he could see was how less the sugar was in the tea, or the salt was in the food. I didn't realize how many toxic years I have been living with him that I just got so used to it. I want to be free now, I am tired, I want to finally have a life of my own, Esther" explained her mom in a firm tone.

Esther tried to take in everything her mother had just said to her. After a brief moment of silence, she said, "Amma, ok I understand. But your age, what will people say? It's too late now, right?". "Why should I care about what people say? I have been scared of that for ages and it has gotten me nowhere. Better late than never." her mom said. "But amma, think about me then. I have to convince dad about getting married to Alan and then if you both divorce, do you think Alan's parents will be fine to get their son married to a daughter of divorced parents? Think about my future please" she said, trying to convince her.

Her mother looked back at her in disbelief. "I thought about you and never divorced your father all these years, I should have done it earlier. That was the biggest mistake of my life. If I had done it then or now or even afterwards, it doesn't make a difference, my dear. You wanted my support till now to convince your dad to marry Alan and now.. I have always supported you just like you said now where is the support I need? If Alan really loves you, he will marry you no matter what. If he doesn't, he doesn't deserve you. I can only advise you to marry a person you can love and be happy with. So I have decided, I want to be happy and I can't sacrifice my life anymore for anyone, not even for you" her mother said sternly.

"You are selfish amma" Esther said, bursting into tears. "You will feel like that now Esther but I hope there will be a day when you understand me" said her mom, rising from the seat. She felt hurt inside, she knew Esther was young, she was only thinking about her future with her new job and Alan and her mother came no way in the picture. But Esther's mom had made up her mind, she had to be strong for herself. She had taken a bold step forward and she wasn't taking a step back no matter what the world said, or her daughter said.

So, that was the story of Esther and her mother. What are your thoughts on this story? Was her mother really being selfish in choosing her own life over a toxic married life or perhaps the future of her daughter? Are we all bound to make others happy like parents, spouse, children etc. without prioritising ourselves? Is divorce the real solution to an unhappy married life? Moreover, is there actually an age-limit for divorce? Questions are galore but the right answers are at the hands of each individual. There is no right or wrong or good or bad. It's just a difference of everyone's perspective.