Relationship Coach Shares Why She Doesn't Want To Date Indian Men, And No, Not Everything Is About Patriarchy

Add as a preferred source on Google

Love and dating, two of the most universal aspects of human experience, encompass a wide array of perspectives and experiences. How people perceive and engage in romantic relationships are shaped by various factors including culture, upbringing, personal values, and individual preferences.

This diversity leads to a wide array of love stories and dating experiences, each unique and insightful in its own way. While for some of us, different perspectives allow us to appreciate the complexity and beauty of human connections, for others, it can turn out to be bitter experiences.

Recently, Relationship coach, Chetna Chakravarthy's Instagram video explaining why she avoids dating Indian men has ignited a heated discussion online. She has also outlined three reasons for her decision. This video quickly went viral prompting a mix of supportive and critical comments.

Watch The Video Here

She posted the video with the caption, "Confession time. The reason my single clients find love and can navigate the crazy world of dating is because I've been there, done that and my tools are tried and tested....There is nothing an urban, educated girl of today finds sexier than communication and presence. #justsaying....Disclaimer: The opinions expressed on my account are solely mine. They are not necessarily the views of anyone else especially my family, friends or clients. They are not meant to influence or dictate anyone's decisions and are by no means a rule of thumb."

In the video, Chakravarthy says, "I don't date Indian men anymore, and here are my top reasons not to." She then elaborates on three specific reasons for her choice. Here's what she said.

1. They have not been taught to have difficult conversations. When they cannot argue a point, they become quiet and they label the woman as strong-headed, argumentative, and aggressive or then they become egoistic and abusive.
2. They do not understand romance. They think it is planning one dinner date once a month but they don't understand that romance is about tiny gestures every single day. It is about making your woman feel like she matters and like she is taken care of. So, it is not just about buying her big gifts or grand gestures.
3. They do not know how to take care of a house and no this is not about doing 50-50 in a home or doing the chores everyday, it is about stepping up to take care of the home because you live in it too and not because you are doing a favour to your partner.

Viral Video Sparks Debate

The video has garnered over 65,000 views and nearly 2,000 likes. It has also sparked numerous comments from viewers with varying opinions. Some agreed with Chakravarthy's perspective while others strongly disagreed.

One Instagram user commented in support: "You nailed it, babes.... And yet. We do find some men raised well... or who raised themselves into this consciousness that is mutually beneficial to each other."

Another user disagreed: "Disagree... I am married to an amazing Indian man! Umm, there could be gender differences to some points... maybe you are just talking about your bad experiences but you shouldn't label it as a country!"

A third viewer agreed with one of Chakravarthy's reasons: "I strongly agree with reason 3." Another person added a nuanced view: "You have some valid points. But it also shows how women have enjoyed patriarchy, and nurture it to pass it on to other generations for their own benefits."..."The way women have raised their own sons for their own benefits and how they make sure that this system continues speaks volumes about them as well."

Even though all the reasons this relationship coach has listed out is not related to patriarchy and is related to gender differences, bad experiences; let us know how a patriarchal mindset can affect relationships and ruin the bonding with your partner.

What Is A Patriarchal Mindset?

A patriarchal mindset, characterized by the belief in male dominance and authority, can have profound and often detrimental effects on romantic relationships. This traditional perspective can create imbalances in power, undermine mutual respect, and stifle emotional intimacy. Understanding how these patriarchal attitudes manifest and affect relationships is crucial for fostering healthier, more equitable connections.
Here are several ways in which a patriarchal mindset can negatively impact relationships and erode the bond between partners.

1. Reinforcement of Gender Roles

One of the primary ways a patriarchal mindset affects relationships is through the reinforcement of rigid gender roles. When one partner, typically the male, is expected to be the dominant provider and decision-maker, while the other is relegated to submissive, nurturing roles, it creates an unequal dynamic. This imbalance can lead to resentment and dissatisfaction as both partners may feel confined by these roles, unable to fully express themselves or pursue their individual goals and interests.

2. Lack of Emotional Support

Patriarchal attitudes often discourage emotional vulnerability, particularly in men, who are taught to suppress their feelings and maintain a stoic demeanor. This can lead to a lack of emotional support in the relationship, as one or both partners may struggle to communicate their needs and emotions openly. The resulting emotional disconnect can prevent the development of deep intimacy and trust, essential components of a strong, healthy relationship.

3. Control and Dominance

A patriarchal mindset can foster a need for control and dominance in one partner, undermining the principles of equality and mutual respect. This controlling behavior can manifest in various ways, such as making unilateral decisions, monitoring the other partner's activities, or limiting their independence. Such actions can erode trust and create a toxic environment where one partner feels powerless and undervalued.

4. Inequitable Division of Labor

In relationships influenced by patriarchal norms, there is often an inequitable division of labor, with women shouldering a disproportionate share of household and caregiving responsibilities. This imbalance can lead to feelings of exhaustion, frustration, and unappreciation for the overburdened partner. It can also breed resentment, as the unequal distribution of tasks undermines the sense of partnership and collaboration that is vital for a strong relationship.

5. Suppression of Individuality

Patriarchal attitudes can suppress individuality by imposing strict expectations on how each partner should behave, dress, and interact with others. This suppression can stifle personal growth and self-expression, leading to a sense of dissatisfaction and loss of identity. When one partner feels unable to be their true self within the relationship, it can create a barrier to genuine connection and fulfillment.

6. Diminished Respect and Appreciation

Respect and appreciation are fundamental to a healthy relationship, but a patriarchal mindset can diminish these qualities by devaluing the contributions and perspectives of one partner. When one partner's efforts and opinions are consistently overlooked or dismissed, it can lead to feelings of worthlessness and disempowerment. Over time, this lack of respect can erode the foundation of the relationship, making it difficult to maintain a strong, supportive bond.

7. Communication Barriers

Effective communication is crucial for resolving conflicts and building understanding, but a patriarchal mindset can create significant barriers to open dialogue. Traditional gender roles may discourage one partner from voicing their thoughts and concerns, while the other may dominate conversations and dismiss differing viewpoints. These communication barriers can lead to misunderstandings, unresolved issues, and a growing sense of alienation between partners.

8. Undermining Equality

A patriarchal mindset fundamentally undermines the concept of equality in a relationship. When one partner views themselves as superior or more entitled to authority and decision-making, it creates an imbalance that can breed resentment and conflict. True partnership requires a foundation of equality, where both partners feel valued and empowered to contribute to the relationship's growth and success.

9. Impact on Sexual Intimacy

Patriarchal attitudes can also negatively affect sexual intimacy by promoting unequal power dynamics and unrealistic expectations. If one partner feels entitled to dominate or dictate the terms of sexual interactions, it can lead to discomfort, coercion, and a lack of mutual satisfaction. Healthy sexual relationships are built on mutual consent, respect, and open communication, all of which are undermined by patriarchal beliefs.

10. Stress and Mental Health Strain

The pressures and constraints of a patriarchal relationship can take a toll on both partners' mental health. The partner expected to conform to traditional roles may experience stress, anxiety, and depression from trying to meet unrealistic standards. Meanwhile, the partner exerting control may also suffer from the constant need to assert dominance and maintain the facade of superiority. These mental health strains can further damage the relationship, making it difficult to maintain a positive and supportive connection.

11. Hindrance to Conflict Resolution

Healthy relationships require effective conflict resolution, but a patriarchal mindset can hinder this process. When one partner insists on having the final say or refuses to acknowledge their mistakes, it prevents the resolution of disputes and the opportunity for growth. This inability to resolve conflicts constructively can lead to ongoing tension and unresolved grievances, weakening the relationship over time.

12. Limiting Personal Growth and Development

A patriarchal mindset can limit both partners' personal growth and development by enforcing restrictive roles and expectations. The partner in the dominant position may feel pressured to constantly uphold their authority, while the other partner may feel constrained in their aspirations and self-expression. This stifling environment can prevent both individuals from reaching their full potential and finding fulfillment in their personal and professional lives.

13. Erosion of Mutual Trust

Trust is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, but a patriarchal mindset can erode this essential element. When one partner exerts control and dominance, it can lead to secrecy, dishonesty, and a lack of transparency. The resulting distrust can create a cycle of suspicion and resentment, further damaging the relationship and making it difficult to rebuild a sense of security and reliability.

By challenging traditional gender roles, fostering open communication, and promoting mutual respect and equality, partners can create a more supportive and fulfilling connection. Embracing these principles not only strengthens individual relationships but also contributes to a broader cultural shift towards gender equality and mutual empowerment.