Is my wife manipulative? What to do?

By Tara Hari

You never even consider the possibility that your wife is manipulative during the initial stages of your relationship. But once you are happily married, you start noticing certain small signs and signals which make you feel uneasy.

If you think you are being emotionally manipulated by your wife, then your suspicions are probably true. If you constantly feel guilty and stifled, have low-self esteem and constantly feel like you are at emotional war with her, then your wife is an emotional manipulator. You are in an emotionally manipulative relationship if you are constantly giving in to the demands of your wife and letting her have her own way, due to her manipulation skills.

Is my wife manipulative? What to do?

Here are some ways to find out if your wife is manipulative.

Control
The best sign to figure out whether your wife is manipulative is to ask yourself if she controls the relationship. If she dictates where you go, who you see or what you can say, that means your wife is a manipulator who is trying to run your life.

Guilt
If your wife is manipulative, she will constantly try to make you feel guilty about the trivial things you do. She tries to control you through your guilt. You allow your wife to constantly make you feel guilty and let her control your life and relationship through this guilt.

Blame
If your wife is manipulative, she will never accept the blame for anything. She will refuse to accede that she was the cause of fights or misunderstandings. She will constantly blame you and make you feel guilty, even if you were the wronged party. You are at fault for everything that goes wrong in your relationship, never her.

Insecurities
A great way to know if your wife is manipulative is to observe whether she preys on your insecurities. She will take advantage of your low self-esteem and make it worse by heaping insults and criticisms on you, making you doubt your own ability. When you feel worthless, it makes it easier for your wife to emotionally manipulate you.

Undermine
Your wife is manipulative if she constantly undermines you. She will scoff at your job, your abilities and shoot down every idea you have. She will try to stifle your ambition and make you feel like nothing you do is good enough. She will try to convince you that you should be grateful for putting up with her. Nothing you ever do will be good enough.

Confrontation
If your wife is manipulative, she will avoid confrontation at all costs. She will refuse to discuss significant issues and problems that arise in your relationship. Arguments and fights are not the same as confronting the core issues and having rational discussions.

If your wife is manipulative, never let her control you or your actions. Beat her at her own game.

Story first published: Saturday, June 22, 2013, 16:08 [IST]