Surviving Infidelity

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I think that it's a norm that in every woman's life, married or otherwise that we have is "victims" of infidelity. Whether we choose to be the one who cheats or whether we are cheated on, it leaves an ache in our hearts that almost finds a permanent place in one of the chambers. Be it a taste, smell or song we often reflect on that time in our lives when we were so hurt or were the cause of the heartache and believe me its not nice to be on either side of that situation.

I can openly and honestly say that I was a 'victim" of infidelity and the honest truth is I have learnt to forget or rather chose to but forgiving is still a long way off. I was according to me "happily " married and even trying to have a third child. As long as I can remember being a mum was a dream. I wanted three kids, two beautiful girls and a scamp for a son. I got the girls, having the third one was becoming a bit of a problem.

We were in the middle of wedding preparations for my only brother and we met a woman who knew my husband from way back when he was still a happy bachelor. God has however given us one extra trait, intuition. I had an uneasy feeling about her "loose " and pushy disposition. And that was that!

A few months after the wedding and I received a strange call one morning aptly informing me that was having an affair. I recognized the voice of the pushy saleslady and for some reason I believe her totally. She sounded like she was betrayed and now she wanted to get even. For some strange reason my husband came out the bathroom and knew that this was a call spelling trouble. I confronted him and from that moment onwards my life spiraled out of control and downhill all the way.

The good thing is that being lied and cheated on changes you in a way that you never dreamed imaginable. Resilience and strength now become a quality that you could never associate with your own personality. It makes you suspect every move, person and story that you're told. It makes you question everybody and suspect everything. Sometimes it makes you feel like a fool after but how can you be blamed. Unfortunately a few too many women I know do not survive this betrayal.

Do you know what I have learnt? I have learnt that I am the most important person in my life. Without me there is no mum or wife or lover or whatever. I am the center of my own being. If I know that I am putting myself in an uncompromising position and this is going to be harmful to me I extract myself no matter what the circumstances. I understand when our families encourage separation and so forth. Do they realize that this is a person that you are in love with? Do they realize that this person has been the center of your universe? I have taught both my daughters (they are not the marrying age as yet) that even when they decide to marry their husbands should not be the center of their lives .He should fit in like a good puzzle piece. If he should decide to do a bunk, she still has a life albeit a piece short but they will survive with the rest.

Every woman has the ability to survive this kind of heartache. How you come out of it is the important thing. Yes we are together again and we have our gorgeous baby boy, but every so now and again the topic comes up. We can look back and laugh about it now, I wish it goes away permanently someday....Until then I go on helping other woman in the same position. And yes, it's true what they say...IT HURTS SO MUCH YOU CAN SOMETIMES FEEL YOUR HEART PAIN!!!