Walking alone in the journey of life...

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In developing countries like India, the single-ness of a woman, whether by choice or by circumstance, poses a threat to the patriarchal social order where marriage is still the be-all and the end-all of a woman's existence.

Single is a lonely word. Even then many women today are prepared to compromise with their loneliness to hold on to their freedom. Freedom from the responsibility a long-term relationship like marriage entails. But does remaining single really absolve the woman of filial responsibility? Not really, if one were to go by what few single women in Calcutta have to say.

Subha Basu, at 46, is single by circumstance. "Maybe I was too choosy when my parents went about hunting for a suitable boy. Remaining single then did not seem to bother me because my parents were around and I had very loving and responsible brothers. But I have realised that being single did not give me the space I thought it would. I live with two of my brothers and their families in a house my parents built which is shared with our cousins and their families. I keep the family accounts, shoulder much of the responsibility of what goes on within the family, though the financial burden is not on me. "I keep working off and on, earning gives me independence. Now almost unwittingly, I have entered into a relationship with a married man. But I regret the decision because I know that it has no future. But I find it difficult to extricate myself from the relationship.

"My sisters-in-law feel I crowd them and there are times when I regret not having a family of my own."

Aarati Talukdar a top executive in a multinational firm chose not to marry when she was young. Today, at 50, she is the single female head of her family comprising her aged mother. She earns a very high salary and is entitled to a company car with a chauffeur. "But the financial constraints are too high. My father did not invest in a flat though he earned a very high income. He shared his earnings with his brother's family who still lives with us. Now that he is no more, I am faced with the urgency of buying a flat of my own because the rented apartment we share is under litigation," she rues.

"I wish to settle independently with my mother because I cannot afford to support my uncle's family. It is wrong to say a single woman has a lot of freedom. Where is the freedom when you are tied to a job for most of your waking hours and stressed with financial burdens the rest of the time?" she asks.

"There is hardly any time to socialise. I do have male colleagues but mostly subordinates. I have never had a serious relationship till now. Nor do I miss having one. Sometimes, I wish I had a man to share my burdens with. The only thing I love is the fact that I do not have to worry about mundane domestic chores which I hate doing."

Trishna Biswas, 52, lives in a small portion of a rambling, dilapidated old house near Kalighat with her 80-year-old mother. She lost her job when her company faced a lockout. It did not occur to her to claim her PF dues. Her only source of income today is private tuitions and the pension her mother receives every month.

Why didn't she get married? "I don't know. There were negotiations. I actually liked the last man who came in around ten years ago. We had a heart-to-heart talk. He wanted me to stop my tuitions. I could not take the risk because of my mother's failing health. What if the marriage did not work? I have inherited this portion of the house from my maternal grandparents. At least it offers the proverbial roof over our head," she sighs.

"Today, my mother is completely bedridden. With very irregular household help, I have to do all the household chores. I often wish I had a shoulder to cry on. I do have men friends but romantic thoughts are no longer my scene. I sorely miss going to the theatre and watching films," she says.

Jaya Mitra, a wonderful cook and a beautiful painter, supports her parents. She landed a job in a pharmaceutical concern. Marriage has passed her by and today, the thought of her parents stops her from making future plans. "35 is not very late, but lets not start it all over again," she says dismissing the subject.

There are vast resources in a woman's mind, which she draws upon from time to time to bear with as she denies herself the emotional dependence on a man. Though few single women are conscious of the strength within them, all the single women this writer spoke to neither behaved, talked, nor appeared like the stereotypical woman labelled 'the frustrated spinster.' They wear a happy expression, because they have come to terms with, which they now decide, is their nemesis.