Are You Bonding Over Past Relationships?

Wednesday, October 12, 2011, 17:17

What is the first thing you do after a break up? Burn all your memories, call your best friend or find someone with a broken heart for bonding over your past relationships? If you are someone who chooses the last option then you are in for more heart breaks. Talking to to someone who is reeling from the effects of a wounded ego just like you is not a magical remedy to heal your broken heart. But is is of course easy and relieving, so people opt for it without second thoughts. You see people walking up to other singles in a pub and telling a complete stranger the most intimate details of their life!

It is obvious that you need some common ground to be bonding over at all but who says that common 'something' has to be past relationships. Here is why you should not be doing this.

Why You Shouldn't Be Bonding Over Failed Relationships?

Every couple has there own reasons for getting together and also for splitting. Even if your reasons for splitting sound similar they are not the same. Remember you are two different individuals and so are your exes. It makes absolutely no sense to be drawing parallels.

After an ugly break up you are still bleeding from within and your ego is wounded. Under such situations you will clutch at any straw like a drowning man. No matter how different your problems are you start finding commonalities in them.

If the two people bonding over their respective break ups are of the same sex then it becomes a gender biased men bashing or women bashing session. Encouraged by each others pain you fall back on cliched gender stereotypes like 'all men are chauvinists' or 'all women are cunning'.

If the two of you are of the opposite sex then things get even more dangerous. You tend to develop an empathy for each other that is more than just friendship. It has the potential of developing into a rebound relationship which by the way has no future.

You have to understand that the person you are seeing now is not always a broken heap of dreams. There are other facets to that person you may not agree with. These kind of outbursts serve no purpose but further embittering your heart. It is certainly far away from healing your broken hearts.

If you want to heal your broken heart after a particularly bad split then you have to spend time with yourself. Being around a lot of people may cheer you up temporarily but the actually healing process begins when you are alone.

If you become totally dependent on someone who is just as unstable as you then you will only be making each others wounds raw. You need to be whole and self sufficient again.

No matter how serious your past relationships were, let them go. That is the only way forward.