women?

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There's no definite answer to this question. Both sexes seem to be at it, though the reasons could be different...

Antara Mali's Mr. Ya Miss has the incorrigible skirt-chaser Sanjay (Aftab Shivdasani) while on his way to heaven being sent back to earth by Goddess Parvati in the body of a woman hoping that it'll give him an insight to what it is like to be a woman betrayed repeatedly by the man she loves. The movie focusses on men being cheaters and women being the sufferers. The audience, largely comprising of young girls and guys, had a clearly demarcated response - the girls seemed to enjoy the film totally being in agreement with the fact that guys are eternal womanisers. The guys seemed to find this film too gender-biased. True, because there can be no definite answer to the question: "women?"

Counselling psychologist Priyanka Shah's professional reply is, "I don't think a blanket statement that men cheat more than women can be made. Cheating on one's spouse is more related to individual situations rather than gender-related ones."

Abhijit Bhelande, a 21-year-old game programmer, seems to agree, "The question one should ask is whether infidelity is more inherent in the nature of men than of women. Then it is easy to see that it is the very nature of human beings rather than just one of the sexes. Humans have needs both physical and emotional. When left unsatisfied it is in the very nature of human beings to seek some means of satisfying them. I believe that both sexes have resorted to infidelity to satisfy certain urges or fill this gaping void in their otherwise trivial and unsatisfied lives."

Resorting to raw statistical data, private detective Rajdeep, who has dealt with numerous cases of infidelity, reveals, "Men and women indiscriminately cheat on their partners in equal measure with similar guile and cunning. Both the sexes resort to adulterous physical relationships. With it being a freer society nowadays the scope for cheating is immense - it can be through office flings which get serious, illicit liaisons with the spouse's relatives, through friendship clubs which are actually hubs of prostitution or sleazy massage parlours."

Reasons for cheating for both the sexes:

According to Priyanka, "I do, to an extent agree that men and women may have different ways of cheating or being unfaithful. The reasons for infidelity may differ. This probably comes out of the fact that women tend to resort to infidelity for love and security needs, as opposed to men who need an "outlet" or "a fix". This again, may be more relevant within our culture, given men and women's distinct roles in society. However, individual cases do exist and the reasons could be varied and situation-specific." Abhijit adds: "Men cheat for reasons mainly concerning their ego, trophy hunting, fear that they are getting old, loneliness, or more often than not simply for the sex, the excitement of it all. women resort to the same as a means of finding intimacy in times of loneliness, or to prove they are still attractive - that they still have it, to others as well as to themselves, and even for revengeful purposes, or again simply sexual pleasure - tasting the forbidden fruit. However, the reason most people find intimacy with someone outside of their marriage because their emotional needs are not being met is a prime factor leading to infidelity."

How men and women react to infidelity:

When asked if men or women are more suspicious by nature, Priyanka answers, "I think both men and women are equally prone to being suspicious; although I feel, women tend to communicate this more directly than do men. So it may seem like women are the more suspicious of the two, men are usually more wary of verbally expressing their concerns."

We all know the age-old story of Lord Rama who exiled an innocent Sita and demanded two fire tests to prove her chastity. In contemporary times with more women going out to work there are far more suspicious husbands. women aren't far behind in their paranoia either. Addicts of Desperate Housewives will be well acquainted with Lynette Lindquist Scavo who will do anything to keep apart her husband Tom from his co-worker and ex-fiance Annabel - to the extent of asking Tom's boss not to promote him so that he won't take trips away. Her husband finally has to compromise on being a stay-at-home dad allowing his wife to go out and work. In real life there are many women like Lynette both in India and abroad.

Abhijit feels that men can keep an extramarital affair more clandestine as, "women are generally gossipy in nature which may make it less easy for them to keep an affair secret. However, if the man is a regular trophy-hunter, he may generally boast it among friends with all pride." He goes on, "The discovery of infidelity is devastating because it shatters basic assumptions about the security we expect in committed relationships.

The affected party is bound to feel a sense of anger, a sense of revenge. It hurts their ego too - to know that they haven't been successful in maintaining a successful relationship. I do not think the reaction to infidelity has so much to do with gender than it has to do with the personality and nature of that person. The degree to which the damage has been done also depends on the degree of cheating - physical infidelity is very difficult to forgive. Men and women may react to the situation differently thus mainly to certain generic features prevalent amongst the sexes. Men for example try to look at situations more rationally or logically rather than from an emotional point of view. But a man's ego generally far exceeds that of a woman, therefore there is a greater chance of forgiveness in the case of a woman."

Priyanka's view on wives forgiving cheating husbands is, "It's true that many women forgive their spouses and live within this arrangement. It may be because women may feel emotionally too dependent to break away or there may be financial considerations too. In Indian families, leaving the husband may mean being left alone without any financial or emotional support and security.

It may also be "learned helplessness", where the women believes that she cannot come out of this, and must let go and give him another chance. However, many women often show their disapproval towards cheating and work through the situations with their husbands."

Theatre artiste Jagdish Rajpurohit who plays the jealous husband in The Open Couple says, "The Open Couple is about a man who cheats and is also encouraging his wife to cheat and who ultimately goes out and cheats. It is a play about two people who are cheating but react differently to the way one is cheating on the other.

However, in real life we can't say that in a relationship the answer to cheating is cheating. To walk out of a relationship is a better option. Cheating answered by cheating brings about poetic justice in fiction but not a solution in real life. When this play was written it was difficult for women in Italy to get a divorce, making an unhappy marriage like a jail. However, in today's world women refuse to be taken for granted - they may simply walk out of a relationship if the husband is unfaithful."