Are You In Love Or Just In The Background? What Pocketing Says About Your Relationship

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It was their 2-year anniversary. Varsha had worn the navy-blue kurti Akshay once said he liked, the one with the silver embroidery on the sleeves. She checked her reflection on the phone screen. Not bad. She hoped tonight would be different.

They were seated at a quiet rooftop café in Pune. String lights flickered above them, casting soft golden shadows. The table next to them was empty, but laughter spilled from the other end of the terrace. Varsha stirred her iced coffee, watching Akshay text someone under the table.

"Are you busy?" she asked, her voice light but laced with fatigue.

He looked up. "Just confirming tomorrow's meeting with Rakesh. Sorry."

She nodded. Another sip. Another moment of silence.

Then she said it.

"Akshay... can I ask you something without you getting all defensive?"

He put the phone away and leaned in. "Sure."

"Why am I still... invisible?"

He frowned. "Invisible?"

"To your world," she clarified. "Two years, and not a single friend knows about me. Your parents think you're single. You've never posted a single photo with me, never taken me to a gathering, never called me your girlfriend out loud. I've been understanding. Patient. But now... I feel pocketed. Hidden."

He sighed. "Varsha, we've spoken about this. I just need more time. My career's still not stable, and I don't want unnecessary distractions or emotional complications"

"Is being with me an emotional complication?" she interrupted, her voice rising a notch.

"Not like that. I mean, if I start telling people, questions will come-about the future, about marriage. I can't handle that pressure right now."

"And what am I supposed to do? Wait another two years for you to maybe introduce me as your... what? Business associate?"

"That's not fair," he muttered.

"Isn't it?" she said sharply. "I'm not asking for a billboard. I'm asking to exist. To not feel like a secret you're ashamed of."

Before he could respond, a voice chimed in.

"Akshay? Bro, is that you?"

A girl and a guy walked up to their table. The guy was tall, with a backpack slung over one shoulder. The girl wore a bright green shrug and clearly recognised Akshay.

"Man, long time! Didn't expect to see you here. Who's this?" the guy asked, glancing at Varsha with curiosity.

Akshay froze. Varsha turned to him. Her eyes did the asking now.

Who am I, Akshay?

He looked between her and his friends. Swallowed. Then said, "An online friend."

A pause. The girl blinked. "Oh... okay. Cool."

Varsha stood up, her chair scraping softly against the floor. She smiled politely at the newcomers, then turned to Akshay.

"And that online friendship for you, my friend," she said quietly, "is over. Once and for all."

She picked up her bag, calm and unhurried, like someone finally setting down a burden.

Akshay stood. "Varsha, wait-"

"No," she said firmly. "I waited. And waited. And tonight, you had the perfect opportunity. But you chose the lie again."

He opened his mouth, but there was nothing left to say.

As she walked away, the laughter from the terrace felt louder. Sharper. She passed the railing and took a final look at the city lights, not just as someone leaving a relationship but someone stepping out of the shadows she'd been kept in for far too long.

When Love Is Hidden : Understanding Pocketing Through Varsha's Story

Discovering that your relationship moments are absent from your partner's social media or worse, their social life entirely can be a deeply unsettling experience. It might suggest that you're part of a pocketing relationship, a term used to describe scenarios where a partner keeps you tucked away from key aspects of their life, such as family, friends, or public acknowledgment.

Take the fictional story of Varsha, who spent two years in a relationship with Akshay. Despite their long-standing bond, she remained a mystery to his world. He never introduced her to friends or family, avoided mentioning her publicly, and offered vague promises that he needed "more time" to focus on his career. She rationalised it initially, believing his intentions were harmless. But over time, the silence became suffocating.

This is the emotional toll pocketing often takes-doubt creeps in, and what once felt like patience can morph into self-erasure.

Why Does Pocketing Happen?

It's easy to villainise the person doing the pocketing, but often, the reasons are layered. As with Akshay, the issue may stem from internal conflicts - fear of commitment, concerns about social image, or anxiety over how family or friends might perceive the relationship. In some cases, it's a form of self-protection, driven by previous trauma or cultural expectations.

But no matter the reason, the impact on the hidden partner is profound.

Recognising The Signs

Pocketing doesn't always look obvious. Sometimes it's as subtle as constantly dining in obscure places or avoiding photographs. In Varsha's case, even when Akshay's friends stumbled upon them at a café, he introduced her only as "a friend he met online." That moment didn't just sting, it revealed where she stood in his life.

If your partner shies away from future talk, avoids posting about you online, or keeps your relationship compartmentalised, these are potential red flags. It's not about demanding public displays of affection or validation through social media, it's about inclusion and acknowledgment in their life narrative.

Photo Credit: Pexels

The Cost Of Staying Hidden

When one partner is pocketed, it can stunt the relationship's emotional development. Varsha's story reflects a turning point many face: the moment when invisibility becomes unbearable. Pocketing, over time, creates emotional distance and resentment. It can make you question your worth, your significance, and whether your partner truly envisions a future with you.

What Can You Do?

Addressing pocketing is about communication. Varsha, before reaching her breaking point, tried to discuss her feelings. This is crucial. Express how being hidden makes you feel and encourage your partner to share their hesitations openly. Sometimes, they may not realise the impact of their actions. Other times, they may confirm your fears.

Take gradual steps. Attend small social events together. Suggest meeting each other's close friends. If they consistently resist, reflect on what you need from a relationship and whether staying hidden aligns with your self-respect and emotional health.

In the End, Everyone Deserves To Be Seen

Varsha walked away not because she stopped loving Akshay, but because she started loving herself more. Her final words-"that online friendship is over, once and for all"were not just about ending a relationship. They were about reclaiming her visibility, her voice, and her value.

Photo Credit: Pexels

Pocketing can be subtle, but its effects are not. If this resonates with you, know that you're not overreacting. Everyone deserves a relationship that's embraced fully, not hidden in shadows. Being seen is not a luxury, it's a basic emotional need.