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Parenting Tips To Self-Regulate Before You Co-regulate
'When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it's our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.' ~ L.R. Knost
Self-regulation
is
the
ability
to
manage
our
emotions
better
so
that
we
can
control
our
impulses.
This,
in
turn,
results
in
better
behaviour.
Self-regulation
is
a
skill
one
learns
and
is
not
born
with
it.
Our
children
don't
have
the
ability
just
yet.
And
as
with
everything,
we
have
to
coach
them
with
this
skill.
Co-regulating is the only way our children learn to regulate. A child who has not seen or learnt from their parents to co-regulate may learn to repress their emotions or overreact. Emotional maturity starts from co-regulation.
Before we can co-regulate, we have to learn to self-regulate. Seeing the crying child will not help if a parent starts crying. One of them should be able to contain the feelings of others calmly. And guess what, as a parent, it is your job to be able to do that.
As
parents,
you
must
have
heard
the
importance
of
regulating
yourself
to
help
a
dysregulated
child.
Easier
said
than
done.
A
dysregulated
child
usually
takes
us
down
in
a
downward
spiral-the
trigger
they
press,
sometimes
for
no
apparent
reason.
PAUSE-BREATHE.
If
we
are
getting
easily
worked
up,
maybe
it
is
time
we
look
at
ways
of
filling
"our
cup".
"Taking care of yourself doesn't mean me first; it means me too." ~L.R. Knost
I have compiled a few things that can help you -
-
Give
your
parents
some
grace-Most
of
our
triggers
arise
from
our
unhealed
childhood
traumas.
Please
know
your
parents
did
their
best
with
the
information
available
to
them
at
that
time.
Forgiving
and
being
empathetic
to
them
may
help
release
some
of
the
anger.
-
Find
time
to
do
something
that
helped
you
De-Stress
before
you
became
a
parent-
Yoga,
exercising,
doodling
etc.
If
not,
every
day
may
try
to
do
it
once
or
twice
a
week.
Be
consistent.
-
Find
a
Support
group-
It
could
be
an
online
support
group
or
a
group
of
people
you
are
comfortable
with.
It
could
be
your
sister,
friend,
or
mom
of
similar-aged
children.
Find
your
tribe
where
you
can
share
your
authentic
emotions
without
being
judged.
- Pick your battles-Remind everything is not a threat. If something is fixable, not harming anyone, it may be better to give in and ruin your connection with your child.
If you are someone who yells, then try this process recommended by Dr Laura Markham (creator of AhaParenting.com)-
- STOP- stop talking
- DROP- take a break
- BREATHE
Minute one: What is upsetting you?
Minute two: Realize there is always another side to every story. Consider the situation from your child's perspective.
Minute three: Help your body release the feelings. Tap the acupuncture point on the edge of your hand (the karate chop point) while you breathe deeply. Say to yourself while tapping: "Although I am upset, I am safe. I can calm myself and heal this situation. "If you find yourself, the yawning-your body is releasing.
6.
Stop
negative
inner
critic-
Learn
to
like,
love
&
be
kind
to
yourself.
Always
use
a
positive
inner
voice
to
yourself.
Sometimes
an
adult
in
our
life
had
either
modelled
a
self-critical
voice
or
we
had
an
adult
who
criticised
everything
we
did.
This
voice
can
become
our
inner
voice.
This
can
lead
to
frustration
with
our
children
seeing
how
they
are
an
extension
of
us.
Being
kind
to
ourselves
can
help
us
be
kind
to
our
children.
7. Find time to be out in a park or near nature (could be your backyard with plants, grass etc.). This helps in releasing stress.
8. Most of the primary caregivers when they have children, they stop basic grooming and hygiene needs. If you wish to self-regulate, please do not ignore that. Wearing proper clothes going for your monthly haircuts, and spa rituals. Please keep doing that.
9. Eat healthily. When you fix a healthy bowl for your child do one for yourself as well.
10. If you still get angry, making you hit or spank, please seek professional help.
We are as much Work-in-progress as parents as our children. However, for their sake, we have to do it faster.
Happy parenting!
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