Four Different Parenting Styles And How They Impact Children

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Having listened to Shefali Tsabary Tedx Talk multiple times, I was determined that whenever I become a parent, I will do it consciously. Being present mentally and physically and highly aware of their needs, especially emotional ones.

However, when I came home with my baby boy in March 2020, the tolls of life and to add Covid took over. I was emotionally overwrought, sleep deprived, and work post-maternity was never-ending. My partner and I were running helter-skelter and honestly just managing to end the day somehow and get into the same loop again the next day.

One fine day while dealing with my child's massive meltdown, I somehow could find the unmet needs of my childhood. I paused, took a deep breath, and started working towards course correction.

If you are also someone like me who is determined to be a better parent and still feels like getting sucked into the same old sinkhole, this article can help you start on the road to recovery.

And if you are someone who still does not think Parenting is important but ambitious enough to work towards leaving behind a legacy & making a positive impact on the World. Well, you can if you parent your children well.

RAISE YOUR CHILDREN WELL; YOU ARE INFLUENCING THE WORLD OF TOMORROW.

There is no right time like RIGHT NOW to realise how essential this task is; Parenting!

Children are the hope of the future &; it is we, the parents, are responsible for nurturing them. To raise children right; is to ensure peace & harmony. Education plays a more critical role than politics & economics of the time in determining the future. Parenting is the groundwork upon which education builds. The most genius person may be busy fighting his/her childhood demon and fail to create value. How we parent our children to a considerable extent reflects in our children's behaviour, responses & choices.

Before we venture further to the road of redemption or course correction, let us understand what type of parent we have been till now.

Various studies have linked a child's self-esteem with the parenting style adopted by their parents.

Diana Blumberg Baumrind, an internationally-recognized pioneer in research on parenting styles and children's development, has identified distinct styles of parenting.

1. Authoritarian Parents

An authoritarian style uses rigid rules and creates a demanding environment for the child. Parents using this style tend to be strict. There is an expectation that the orders of a parent be obeyed without question. The environment is almost military-like, with the parent being the commanding officer. This parenting style offers low levels of responsiveness or warmth. Consequences that these parents enforce tend to withhold affection and love as a way to communicate that the child has done something wrong. There are no dialogues, negotiations, or discussions between the parent and child. Children in this type of relationship tend to behave until the parent leaves the room and develops a follower mentality.

This authoritarian approach affects the child's mental health from a young age. As a result, children of authoritarian parents are more susceptible to mental illnesses when they are older. According to Michigan State University, children raised by authoritarian parents can have low self-esteem, trouble thinking by themselves, difficulties interacting with their peers, and are more prone to anger and resentment. Authoritarian parenting is linked with lower academic achievement and increased risk for drug use.

2. Permissive Parents

They are lenient, do not specify expected behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation. They set no rules, no boundaries, and no control. They do not place them as an authority figure in their child's life. Anxiety is a common outcome of this parenting style. The child sometimes feels like they must be the parent, but they do not know how to set boundaries or understand expectations. That means they struggle to persevere, and there is often a greater risk of the child engaging in unhealthy or illegal behaviour as they reach adulthood. Research has also suggested that children with permissive parents may grow up to display low achievement, be unable to empathise, be indecisive & unable to self-regulate.

3. Authoritative Parents

They are both demanding and responsive. They monitor and impart clear standards for their children's conduct. They are assertive but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive, socially responsible, self-regulated, and cooperative. Authoritative parents enforce consequences when rules are broken but will also engage with their children so there is an understanding of how the choice was "wrong." This provides a teaching moment for the child to make corrections instead of being dictated to specific behaviours.

Recently a new style of parenting has been identified.

4. Gentle Parenting

A term coined by Sarah Ockwell-Smith, a childcare expert and author of "The Gentle Parenting Book." Gentle Parenting is child-led, however, with positively reinforced boundary setting. This parenting style takes best from both Permissive and Authoritative. It believes in developing strong connections and emotional bonds with the child. Recognise they are unique individuals and accept them. However, set age-appropriate boundaries. Empathy & Compassion are the cornerstones of this style.

If you are a parent or about to become one, please prepare yourself for the job. Often, we end up using the parenting style we underwent as a child. However, now you can make an informed choice.

Remember, with Power (to change the course of the future) comes responsibility (to do the right thing starting now). Are we parents anything less than superheroes?

All the best!

Happy parenting!