How To Be A Cool Step Mom

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Remember what is common between classic fairy tales like Cinderella and Hansel and Gretel? You are right; it is the presence of the very wicked stepmother who makes life hell for them. These stories, for some reason, presented a very dark side to the relationship of a stepmother and her children.

It is not wrong to say that such instances do not exist in the present world as well but this is not the whole truth. If you are a stepmom you sure would not want to fall into this category. You would rather be a cool stepmom and enjoy life with ‘your’ kids.

A good step mother would be very different from a good mother. It is only in very rare cases that a biological mother is replaced by a stepmother in the hearts of the children. This is irrespective of the fact how the mother actually is or was.

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You could find yourself becoming a stepmother in two broad circumstances. You marry a divorced father or you marry a widower with children. In either case the children factor is common but what will change is how you approach them. Bear in mind some basic ‘rules’ and you can end up being the coolest stepmom.

Being a cool stepmom

Cool and stepmom somehow do not seem to go together yet you need to make every effort to make it happen. Children of today are not like Cinderella or Hansel and Gratel. They are given the freedom to speak their minds and can go to any extent to show their disapproval. You need to keep your cool and be a patient stepmom.

Be their friend not parent: Stepping into the lives of children who have seen their parents separate is a very difficult job. You will be made to feel like an outsider and may end up doing one of the most thankless and unappreciative jobs ever. Keep your cool and do not let it affect yourself. Instead of trying to parent them, try to befriend them. This can help break the ice between you to a great extent. Once you are friends gradually things will start falling place. This is especially true when it comes to adolescents and teenagers.

Maintain a positive attitude about the mom: No matter how good you are you are not the biological mother. Everything said and done you will remain an outsider in the lives of the children. Bearing this in mind never say anything bad about the mother. If you have reason to praise her do so or else do not say anything. Never ever say anything negative about her.

It is ok to be called by name: When you were introduced to the children of your future husband they may have addressed you by your name. After marriage you may become the wife but becoming the mom is a long road ahead. The children will still call you by your name because for them you are still the same. Accept this and wait patiently for the day when you will be accepted with love.

Be loving not authoritative: This can be said to be true for any relationship but in the current situation it is all the more important. In order to be a good stepmother you will first have to win over the hearts of the children. Be prepared to be there for them when they need you. Show them that you love them and their father. You are not there to instill the discipline but to guide them with love.

Do not intrude into privacy: As a new member of a broken up family you will have to work your way into their hearts. One way to do so would be to respect the boundaries of the children. They may not like you intruding into their secrets so stay away, or at least make it appear so. Do not turn a blind eye to everything they do but be watchful.

Being a stepmom can be said to be one of the most difficult ‘jobs’. Even a slight mistake on your part can spoil years of hard earned respect and love. Love and patience are the two mantras you must hold on to and some day you will be sure to be a cool stepmom with supercool stepchildren.