Faith, Practice and Study: Key Resources To Gentle Parenting

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I became a parent in 2020, and when my little boy turned 1, I started introspecting and deciding my parenting style; yes, I know I was late.

I am a product of traditional Indian parenting, which is more adult-led.
Expectations on behaviour are set, and not meeting them used to result in harsh punishments. Somehow, I was not convinced by this style of parenting. Intuitively I knew this will neither work for me nor my son.

However, the more my child kept growing, the more boundary testing and behaviours started emerging; I knew one thing with certainty, I had to be calm and collected. Knowing and acting on that knowledge are two different things. The pandemic, sleep deprivation managing the baby and work made me irritable and lost my cool more often than not.

That's when I decided to read books on Parenting. One thing that kept emerging was how my behaviour would shape my child's behaviour and value system. Oops, did I not say I didn't want the next generation to grow up in the same environment as me? The more I read, the more I realised:
a) I am late for the class of parenting &,
b) There is no such thing as Gentle Parenting; that is the only parenting one should follow.

How is a child supposed to manage emotions as a toddler when we grown-ups still do not have a handle on them?
How a child who has always heard the word NO & Don't is expected to say yes and be agreeable to everything we have to say?

The tenets of Gentle Parenting are straightforward "Treat your child with love, security & respect." The learning in this parenting style is child-led. Boundary setting is to be done consistently and with compassion. Empathy & Positive boundary reinforcement defines this type of parenting.

E.g., Your child is throwing blocks, which is not correct. As a parent, you are supposed to tell the child, "So you want to throw? Let's try throwing this ball instead. Blocks are for building."

Child-led- The child wants to throw.

Compassion-No screaming, "I have told so many times," instead, an intention to connect.

Positive Boundary Setting- Blocks are for building.
Simple Right?! But how, as humans, are we supposed to be in Zen Mode all the time? How does a slap across your face by no impulse-control child not make you go into your fight mode? It takes a lot of practice and boundary setting but believe me when I say that is the only way.

Various resources can help you understand and follow this:

1. Gentle Discipline India - A Facebook support group and community with action points

2. Books -

• The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did): Philippa Perry
• It's OK not to Share: Heather Shumaker
• The Gentle Parenting Book: How to raise calmer, happier children...: Sarah Ockwell Smith
• Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting: Dr Laura Markham
• No Bad Kids: Janet Lansbury
• The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children: Shefali Tsabery
• Spoiled Right: Delaying Screens and Giving Children What They Really Need: Meghan Owenz
• How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (The How To Talk Series): Adele Faber

3 Blog- Big Little Feelings
4. Podcast -Unruffled by Janet Lansbury
5. TEDx Talk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM_PQ2WUD2k

Read and access these resources if you are a parent or about to become one.
Don't be like me and turn up late for the party. Even if you are, don't worry. We can't go back, but we can go forward.

Happy Parenting!