Preparental Doubts

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parental tips calls for much thinking and decision-making. Here's a list of the most common questions that plague would-be parents. We have tried to provide solutions. You are welcome to send in your own answers and insights.

Should the would-be-mother give up her career for the sake of her baby?
She should first set her priorities right. If her baby is of ultimate importance, she may decide to put her career aside. If she wishes to balance a career and a family, she can garner help from family, relatives and friends and build a support system that will help her juggle both baby and career.

New trends indicate that mothers are no longer trying to be superwomen, managing home and work. A large number of them are opting to stay at home and take care of the baby and return to the work force when the child is ready for school. The mother also has to weigh several factors before she quits her job, for instance whether family finances permit the loss of one share of income, her own need to be financially independent etc. If the woman is forced to quit or stay then an element of dissatisfaction creeps in. Thus she should come to a decision on her own accord after carefully examining all issues. The new work environment such as the IT industry allows you the luxury of working from home, so more mothers are exploring this option as well.

How does a nuclear family, where both partners work, manage a baby alone?
When a baby arrives in a nuclear family, parents suddenly realise the merits of joint family! It is a difficult process especially for a mother, looking after the house, baby and work with virtually no help. After the mandatory maternity leave is over, parents could try to recruit the services of a close, willing relative. If the work place provides a crèche, avail its services. You could search for another reputed reliable crèche too. Providing a nanny for the child is an expensive proposition, but could also be used by parents who can afford.

Try and arrange your schedules in such a way that either partner is there to manage the baby at any particular time. Also, do not shy away from enlisting the help of colleagues and professional baby-sitters (if there are any in your city).

Fathers are now taking on more proactive roles in managing the child, which in addition to providing a good role model for the child also lessens the mother's workload. The going can be tough but with parents working as a team, family times can be fulfilling.

How to maintain one's lifestyle with the added cost of the baby?
A little advance, financial planning before the baby arrives can smoothen out rough edges in the family purse. Do not get into the family way if you do not feel confident you can handle a baby with your present income (single or combined). But once you have decided, look realistically at the expenses involved (hospital bills, medicines, clothes etc). Begin budgeting and reallocating money. Cut down on wasteful expenditure that you could afford to indulge in before the baby came along (e.g., entertaining). You need not buy expensive things for the child. Look for bargains on toys and ask friends for clothes that their kids have outgrown. Soon you will find that the child's expenses have been integrated into the family budget.

A child brings responsibility. Are you ready for it?
Frankly speaking, most pregnancies are unplanned. Responsibility happens. You don't have a choice! But if you intend to systematically plan parenthood, ask yourself. Are you ready to handle the financial, physical and emotional consequences of a baby? Do you have any unanswered doubts or baseless fears of pregnancy and childbirth? Consult your family, friends and your doctor.

Stories abound of spoilt kids of busy parents. Will my child get spoilt too?
That's a very individual problem. Actually, there is no such thing as a spoilt child; there are only parents who over indulge their children. Faulty child rearing practices are the primary cause of spoilt children. Parents must establish consistent discipline at the earliest. Be firm and fair. Explain consequences to the child and carry out punishments. Get the child involved in household chores such as laying the table or putting away the newspaper. Be encouraging of his talents but don't compare.

You may be busy but now that you have decided to start a family, don't shirk your responsibilities. Find and devote time for your children. Remember that providing your child with only material comforts may lessen your guilt but it does not really help them. If you can personally teach your kids the right things, there's no way they can go wrong.