Why Some Men Are Wired To See ‘No’ As A Threat : The Rejection That Took The Life Of Tiktoker Sana Yousef

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A deeply unsettling incident in Islamabad has left many across borders grappling with the fragile line between admiration and obsession. Sana Yousuf, a 17-year-old TikTok creator celebrated for her pride in traditional Chitrali culture and support for girls' education, was found unresponsive in her home on Monday. A 22-year-old man, Umar Hayat, later arrested in Faisalabad, is accused of entering her home and taking her life after she reportedly declined his friendship.

Umar had travelled from another city around Sana's birthday, allegedly intending to meet her. When that did not happen, his frustration appeared to take a tragic turn. Authorities say he took Sana's phone after the incident, allegedly attempting to erase digital evidence.

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As Sana's million-strong follower base mourns, the questions now extend far beyond social media. What makes some people respond to rejection with such extreme action? And how do social norms continue to shape dangerous expectations, especially among men?

When No Isn't Enough

Rejection is rarely easy. It bruises our need to feel seen, accepted, and valued. But when a person responds to refusal not with withdrawal or reflection, but with hostility, something deeper is often at play.

Some individuals interpret a simple "no" as a personal attack-especially when that rejection comes from someone they admire, or worse, someone they feel entitled to. For men raised to believe that assertiveness, dominance, and access are their birthrights, a woman saying no can feel like a blow to the ego, not a healthy boundary.

Social media can intensify this effect. In digital spaces, admiration is often one-sided. It gives some people a false sense of closeness and access-an illusion of intimacy. When that illusion is disrupted, especially by rejection, the emotional fallout can be severe.

The Unseen Weight Of Male Fragility

In many cultures, young boys are raised with implicit messages: be strong, don't cry, don't lose. Over time, this transforms into a script where vulnerability is weakness, and rejection is emasculating. When these boys become men, they may struggle to handle feelings of inadequacy or defeat.

Men who fear rejection often externalise their pain. Rather than feeling sad, they feel insulted. Rather than processing grief, they feel rage. At its worst, this mindset leads to lashing out-to reclaim a sense of control, power, or validation.

Research shows that rejection-sensitive individuals-especially men-can misinterpret even neutral responses as rejection. Instead of seeing a declined invitation or an unanswered message as a boundary, they see it as humiliation. Add to this a societal script that tells men to always chase and never accept defeat, and the outcome can become dangerous.

Why Entitlement Is Learnt Early

Entitlement is not inborn; it's taught. Sometimes it starts subtly-who gets served first at dinner, who gets praised more, who's told to compromise. Over years, many boys internalise the belief that the best-attention, affection, admiration-naturally belongs to them.

When such beliefs collide with modern realities-where women choose who they engage with and speak their minds-it creates confusion, resentment, and in some cases, aggression.

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In highly patriarchal societies, the tension between tradition and agency plays out in personal relationships. Men may feel anxious or threatened by women who make independent choices, especially when those choices exclude them.

The Thin Line Between Love And Possession

Admiration doesn't always equal affection. And affection, when not reciprocated, is not a betrayal. But some people mistake admiration for ownership, expecting a certain response in return. When that response doesn't come, the fantasy collapses-and some, sadly, don't know how to handle the fall.

This is especially evident among young men who tie their self-worth to their ability to "win" affection. If they don't succeed, they don't just feel rejected-they feel erased.

Masculine Honor And The Pressure To React

Psychologists at Kansas State University, led by Evelyn Stratmoen, explored how masculine honor beliefs shape men's responses to romantic rejection. Through the Masculine Honor Beliefs Scale (MHBS), they found that men who strongly endorsed these ideals were more likely to view rejection as an insult to their manhood and expected aggressive reactions, particularly in public settings.

Interestingly, while men generally scored higher on honor beliefs, both male and female participants perceived aggressive responses to rejection similarly when considering the impact on a man's reputation. The study suggests that for those with strong honor values, simply walking away from rejection is not seen as an acceptable option, indicating a deep-rooted pressure to "defend" masculinity rather than accept emotional vulnerability.

Rewriting The Script For Future Generations

What happened to Sana isn't just about one individual's actions. It reflects a larger crisis in how rejection, masculinity, and control are taught and handled.

To shift this dynamic, we must start early-raising boys who can hear "no" without feeling diminished. Teaching that strength isn't about control, but about respecting boundaries. And helping all young people understand that admiration doesn't come with entitlement.

Communities, families, schools, and media all play a role. Empathy and emotional literacy must be as essential as academic success. Role models-especially men need to model respectful behaviour not only in relationships but also in how they process disappointment.

Beyond Mourning, Toward Responsibility

Sana's story is heartbreaking. A talented teenager who brought culture and joy to many, cut short because someone believed his hurt feelings were more important than her autonomy.

This incident forces us to reflect on what we're teaching about relationships, identity, and masculinity. It also challenges us to create safer digital spaces, where admiration does not breed entitlement and where women can thrive without fear.

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Because no one regardless of fame, gender, or status should have to fear saying no. And no refusal should ever cost a life.