Is Your Job Playing Mind Games? How To Spot And Conquer Gaslighting In The Workplace

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Ever had that feeling where everything seems off at work, but you can't quite put your finger on it? Maybe a colleague's comments leave you questioning your own memory, or you start second-guessing your performance after an offhand remark from your boss. You might brush it off as stress or the usual workplace drama, but over time, it starts to chip away at your confidence. The thing is though, the subtle shifts in behaviour may not just be misunderstandings, they can be deliberate tactics meant to make you doubt yourself. Know what it is all about and how to deal with it.

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Gaslighting at Workplace

Gaslighting at work is a form of psychological manipulation where a coworker or boss makes you question your own memory, judgement, or even sanity. This might happen when they twist events, deny things they said or did, or downplay your emotions, making you feel "too sensitive" or "overreacting" for raising valid concerns.

It's a subtle yet powerful tactic that can leave you doubting yourself and feeling like an imposter, even in situations where you know you're in the right. Though this is often discussed in the context of intimate relationships, gaslighting in the workplace can be equally damaging, eroding trust, morale, and mental well-being, and often goes unrecognised.

What is Gaslighting?

The term "gaslighting" has its roots in a 1938 play titled Gaslight (later adapted into a 1944 film) that captures the very essence of this manipulative tactic. In the story, the protagonist's husband subtly but intentionally distorts her perception of reality to make her feel as if she's losing her mind. One of the tactics he uses involves dimming the gas lights in their home, and when his wife notices the flickering lights and questions him about it, he insists she's imagining things.

Over time, his repeated denials and false reassurances lead her to question her own memory, perceptions, and even her sanity. This insidious form of control has become the defining example of gaslighting. By systematically making his wife doubt her own reality, the husband's actions perfectly illustrate how gaslighting can erode one's sense of self-trust and mental stability. This story has since given a name to the broader psychological manipulation that leaves victims questioning their grasp on reality.

Signs of Gaslighting

Persistent Negative Feedback - If someone is constantly criticising your work in a way that feels unwarranted, vague, or exaggerated, it may be an attempt to undermine your confidence. The suspected gaslighter (someone who consciously manipulates others to make them question their own reality, a behaviour that may develop over time and across various relationships) might ignore your successes and instead dwell on minor issues or perceived failures, creating a distorted view of your performance. Moreover a lack of healthy feedback especially when it comes from your manager can be difficult to analyse.

Being Sidelined From Important Meetings - Being deliberately left out of key meetings or team activities regularly can be a subtle yet damaging form of gaslighting. This exclusion isolates you from important information and team dynamics, making it harder for you to perform effectively and leaving you questioning why you're being sidelined.

Hearing Negative Gossip About Yourself - Gaslighters often try to control your reality by spreading gossip behind your back, turning others against you to make you feel like the problem. If untrue rumours are floating around, it's worth investigating where they're coming from, it could be the gaslighter at work. Either way, you have every right to stand up for yourself and put a stop to the harmful talk.

Questioning Your Perception - A major red flag of gaslighting is when you start doubting your own experiences or memories. For instance, if someone insists certain events didn't happen as you remember, or denies something they previously said, you might begin to second-guess yourself and wonder if you're mistaken or imagining things.

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How To Deal With Gaslighting

Understand If You Are Being Gaslighted - It can be tricky to know if you're actually being gaslighted or just dealing with a difficult coworker or boss. Use the signs we've discussed to help figure it out. Be gentle with yourself, gaslighters want to make you doubt your own judgement. Don't hesitate to reach out to friends, family, or trusted coworkers for a fresh perspective.

Keep A Record - It's time to start keeping track of the gaslighter's behaviour. Take screenshots of messages when possible, and jot down notes about any interactions that make you question your reality.

To avoid challenges later, email reports instead of leaving them on desks, and if you have online meetings, ask if you can record them for reference. Dealing with a gaslighter can be tough, but remember: the problem is their manipulation, not your abilities or value. Keep the focus on their behaviour, not your own worth.

Look For Support And Be Positive - While dealing with gaslighting, make self-care a priority. Remind yourself that it's not your fault, and you haven't done anything wrong. Talking to someone outside of work can help you keep a clear perspective and avoid taking on the negativity. Work on reducing any negative self-talk, and remember that you're not "crazy" and you're dealing with a form of manipulation that you absolutely don't deserve.

Confront The Gaslighter - Be direct about specific examples of how their behaviour is affecting your work, but keep your tone calm and non-accusatory. Focus on where they seem to have issues with performance or remembering details, and remember, your own work isn't the problem.

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If the conversation doesn't lead to change, go to the HR or a senior manager with the evidence you've gathered. These leaders should know how to handle this situation. You shouldn't have to endure psychological abuse at work, so don't hesitate to ask for help. If needed, bring a coworker for support, or confide in a trusted manager to confront the gaslighter for you.

Dealing with gaslighting at work can be incredibly challenging, especially when you're faced with tactics like misremembering events, defensiveness, and inconsistent behaviour.

From a gaslighter downplaying your concerns or offering strange encouragement at unexpected times, to lying about small things or pretending to be helpful, these actions are designed to make you doubt yourself and question your own reality. The worst part is when they say one thing but do another, leaving you unsure of what to believe.

Recognizing these behaviours is the first step to regaining control, and with the right support, you can stand up to the gaslighter and take charge of your work environment.